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A Poem Of Love To My Daughter
Who's More Special To Me Than She'll Ever Know
(Written by me .... to Kathy when she was 15)


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I carried you beneath my heart for just about a year,
A movement with no face or name, but to me you were quite dear.
And on a cold and snowy night, the labor finally came,
Such joy, such bliss, such love, that my heart could hardly contain.

I was much too young to have a child, only sixteen you know,
I knew nothing about being a mother, so we helped each other to grow.
Through good times, hard time, tragedies and cheers,
We came through them all, barely scarred, and then came the teenage years.

No longer are you beneath my heart, where I can keep you safe,
You're exposed to life, though not alone, and there are many chafes.
And though now I keep you in my heart, in a Mother's special way,
My only way to protect you, is to go to the Lord and pray.

I  love you more than you'll ever know,
And though sometimes I fuss, I'm only trying to help you grow.
I wish God had provided me with a parents manual,
But I guess he did, it's called .... The Bible.

If I could look into your heart, I wonder what I'd see,
Hopes, fears, dreams, loves, it probably would surprise me.
You're in the best years of your life and happy you should be,
You've grown into a lovely girl, THIS LIFE THAT CAME FROM ME.




(The following is a poem that Kathy wrote to us around the
same time that I wrote the one above.)


To My Parents

You love me
So you think this give you rights
To mold my life like yours
But this can never be.
I must be free
I must be me!

I know I'll make mistakes
And whimper in my sleep
For all things as parents you represent
And yet ... I'm not your pet.
You cannot teach me tricks
To come at your command,
Or always lead me by the paw ... or hand.

To win or fail
I alone must blaze my sometimes lonely
Sometimes hurting .. trail.

- Kathy -



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I don't want you to think that all these years, from the time her addiction started ... until now ... has been bad. It hasn't. There were several years that she was "clean". Ironically, during her "clean" years .... is when I learned the most about dealing with an addict. And the truth is ..... I learned them from her. She taught me quite a lot about addiction and how to deal with an addict. She told me how to tell when she was in active addiction, when to tell that she was hurting bad for drugs, things like that. She even told me how addicts lie. How they'll do anything .... deceive anybody ... to get their drugs. A few times, she even told me (while she was clean), "Mom, how could you have believed some of the things I was telling you." Believe me folks, I learned from a master. One of her rehab counselors told me once, "if words are coming out an addict's mouth, you can be sure they're lies."


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This next poem was left in my guestbook and I found it so touching, I wrote and asked if I 
could print it here and she so graciously said I could. It wasn't titled, but I really love it.


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I'm eluding my colors and fading to black,
I've come to the cross-roads
There's no turning back.
I'm lost in this hell,
This concept of me,
This painful desire to set myself free!

What are the choices that I should have made?
Why didn't I listen
To the life that I craved?
When will I realize this was not meant to be
This withering, lifeless body of me?

How did I get here
And why did I go?
When did my laboured breaths
Become achingly slow?
Why didn't I listen
Or pretend that I see?
How can I be living ... this dying of me?

Glynnis ~ South Africa



The following poem entitled "Addiction" was written especially for me and left in my guest book by a friend named Gravy Dave.  He has a beautiful poetry site that you must visit if you love poetry.  Click on his name below the poem to visit him.

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The craving for something you cannot control.
Unlearned dependence to something you feel you need.
A desire to get lost in a world you do not understand.
Day to day, hour to hour, your dependency on substance;
Will never lead to your dependence on life.
Not living reality, living disaster; not living your fullest, living lost.
The wanting to make it through a simple ordeal feels unattainable,
Unless something can carry you across the line.
The boundary of hope is shrinking with each second that ticks,
As the dependency draws you under.
Through the mind, dependence on something of lessor value,
Than the value of your hard work and striving to continue on.
Itís something that makes reality seem better,
Yet it can never be reality, only disillusion.
If addiction is what you need,
Be addictive to love, caring, friendships, nature.
Be addictive to reality, and making dreams come through.
Take the time to know who you are,
Where you are going and how to get there.
Love yourself as you are, without the substance,
That makes you who you are not.

~ GravyDave © May 2000 ~



Memorial Plaque for Carl
In loving memory of a dear and special friend
~  Carl Aronin  ~



Memorial To My Parents
This very special memorial was made for me by LadyJ who in a very short time ... I've grown to care for very much. She's a special lady with a special gift. Visit her site and you'll see what I mean! This beautiful memorial speaks for itself... I wouldn't trade it for the world!



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Memorial To Brandy
Our precious Brandy left this world on July 11, 2000. I don't really know if animals go to heaven or not, but I like to think so. I can picture Brandy romping around with the little children in heaven and hopping up on Jesus' lap so he can tickle her tummy. We had her for 17 wonderful years ... much longer than we ever thought possible. She was more than a much loved pet, she was a member of our family ... and she is terribly missed.




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