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First Name:   Carol
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Comments:    I too am lving with a shattered heart.  My son who is 39 has been an addict since he was 17.  When we first learned of his problem, we immediately sought help.  He has been in and out of all kinds of drug rehab programs, but to no avail.   He is my middle child.  Over the years he has been in and out of jail.  In 1986, when his problem was esclating, his father dropped dead of a heart attack.  We had been married for 23 years.  I was in total shock.  Within three weeks (Christmas Eve) my son had a warrant out for my arrest for the small amount of life insurance on his father.   I don't know how, but he convinced the prosecuter that the money was due him.  That was just one instance of what his addiction has done to our family.  He continued on using and getting into all kind of trouble.  I was always there for him.   Hiring attorneys, visiting him in jail, giving him money, thinking I was going to help him.  Then in 1995 while under the influence he robbed a bank.  Now the federal government was involved.  He was sentenced to 8 years in a federal penitentary.   I thought I would die.  He was sent out of state.  I always visited, wrote to him regularly, sent him money etc.  When he came home, we had a big celebration.  I really knew that this would never happen again.  He had a job waiting, a car waiting and our home to stay in.   After about a year, it started again.  It was worse this time.  People shooting at him, chasing him for drug money, stealing from everyplace in town.  It ended on a below zero night in front of my house with police everywhere.  Streets were blocked off, a car chase ensued, with him being captured.   He spent another 8 months for parole violation.  Again the visits.  Always letting him know I loved and cared for him.  He came home to our house again.  He had no other place to go.  Within a few weeks he got a good job.  Within three months it happened again.   As I write this letter he is waiting to be sentenced for another bank robbery.  Yes again he was high and desperate.  I have had a complete breakdown.  I feel no hope left.  I am a Christian and always had a strong belief.  But I feel so broken down and empty.   I have lived with the shame and sorrow that many of you do.  Since this last robbery, his mug shot was all over the local news and in the newspaper.  I can hardly face anybody.  I want to cover my face and never wake up again.  I know I need help.   I have always been so strong, but no more.  I thank you for letting me put my feelings on paper.  This is the first time since this last episode that I have felt like talking about it.  So thank you again.  Please keep our family and my son in your prayers.   Thank you.  A heartbroken mother  

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